


Desire, and Its Effect On Remus Lupin

by fiveyearslater, GalaxyFox



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, MWPP, Marauders, and badly written, but thats okay, gay I guess, umm, wolfstar, wow this is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-04 12:04:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20470745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyearslater/pseuds/fiveyearslater, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyFox/pseuds/GalaxyFox
Summary: The mirror of Erised, and how Remus sees it.





	1. A Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> So yes, I wrote this at midnight. Because, yes, i do have responsibilities like, say, a healthy sleep schedule but I prefer to write wolf star instead...

“Remus Jonathan Lupin,” began Sirius.

“It’s three am, and it’s just John, Pads.”

“John Jonathan Lupin, I present to you the most wonderful thing that you, a nerdy werewolf, could ever hope or dream for.”

“I’m only slightly intrigued. I would like to fall back asleep.”

“James found this room and it sounds really bogus, honestly. He said it's got this weird mirror, and he thinks he sees himself and Lily and a little baby boy in Lily’s arms when he looks at it, but we all know that’s BS ‘cause that’s what he sees in every mirror, so I told him,”

Remus wasn’t paying attention anymore. Whenever Sirius started ranting, Remus could never follow, so he just stared at him and admired his lips and his nose and eyes and overall his really super heterosexual face. It was ridiculous. Why did Sirius, out of anyone in the world, have to be straight? It didn’t seem fair. A ton of girls had asked him to the Ball earlier this year, but he turned them down, and went, as James put it, stag with a stag.

“So I thought if you wanted to prove James wrong, or maybe take a break from your stupid Potions essay for literally FIVE MINUTES, we could go and see this mirror that shows _your deepest desires_ or whatever shit James said?”

Remus wasn’t sure that Sirius knowing his deepest desires was not ideal. Especially since Sirius would be playing a key role in that desire. But nevertheless, he gave in. He blamed it on Sirius’s stupidly perfect puppy-dog-eyes.

“C’mon, Moons, fetch the cloak, and will we need the map?”

Grumbling, Remus climbed the stairs and stole the cloak and map from a sleeping James’s trunk.

They exited through the portrait hole, and Sirius flirted shamelessly with The Painted Lady to let them go out into the dark halls of Hogwarts, instead of yelling for Filch as she was supposed to do.

“Pads, how do you think James found this mirror? Because its sounds like the mirror in Hogwarts: A History, called the Mirror of Erised, which shows your deepest and most desperate desires, but historians are unsure whether it exists or not.”

“Remus, jeez. Can you go five seconds without being such a pulchritudinous nerd?”

“Pulchritudinous?”

“Ha! I know a word the great Remus Lupin doesn't! I demand an award.”

“Oh, hush up.”

☆☽

Before long, after jumping on many moving staircases, and Remus getting his leg caught in a fake stair (Sirius teased him a great deal about that) they reach a dusty, quite unkempt classroom.

“Lumos Maxima!”

The room illuminated, letting them see a large, slightly grubby mirror with ornate golden carvings.

“Look Pads! It does say ‘Mirror of Erised! Wow. That’s pretty awesome.” Remus had run to look at the carvings more closely, all thoughts of actually _looking_ in the mirror flying out of his brain.

“Pads?”

Sirius was standing frozen in the middle of the room, staring into the mirror. A smile was threatening his lips.

“Come look, Remus.”

Remus joined Sirius and stared into the mirror. He almost screamed. James was there. Right behind him. Remus turned around to find his friend, but just spiderweb filled cabinets met his eyes.

He looked again. James was there and was holding hands with Lily. And they had these big stupid grins on their faces. Peter sat on the ground in front of him, laughing. Remus stood in the center. His face had no scars, and the bags that were constantly under his eyes were gone. He looked entirely too happy. And Sirius-

Sirius was kissing his cheek. And they were holding hands. God, that hurt.

_So this is it?_ Remus thought, _my deepest desire is for my best friend to kiss me and my other best friend to get the girl?_

He turned to Sirius, but Sirius was already looking at him.

Oh my god, Remus so desperately wanted to kiss him. But he had to firmly remind himself that this is 1975, and heterosexuals do in fact, exist. He didn't even know what Sirius thought of homosexuality.

“Remus. I-i… What do you see?” For the first time in a while, Sirius Black actually stuttered.

“Well,” Remus was hesitant (and for a good reason. Never ever tell your badass, beautiful and not to mention straight as a ruler best mate that you love him.) “I see us. You know, the Marauders, and Lily is there…”

Sirius’s face changed from awe to sullen in an instant. “So your deepest desire is to have friends and snog Lily?”

“NO! James is the one doing the snogging. I mean, her and James are together.”

“Is that it? Your deepest desire is for James to kiss a pretty girl?”

Remus felt a strong wave of embarrassment and anger. “No, that is not it. I see myself kissing someone else, you absolute _idiot.._”

“Seriously? Who?? Moony! You have to tell me who!”

Shit.

“If you tell me who I’ll tell you who _I_ was snogging in my desire!”

Shit. Shit. Shit!

“Um.”

“C’mon, Moons, which bird was it. The Hufflepuff one you study with? Or, maybe Marlene?” Sirius seemed like he was asking a separate question then which girl he fancied. He looked dreadfully uneasy but excited.

“Well, see it wasn’t.. Wasn’t really a girl. Um.”

“It wasn’t a girl? Then what was it? A ferret?”

“No. Sirius.”

“Oh. So you fancy guys then?” Sirius face lit up just the slightest amount. “So who do you fancy? Snivellus? Peter? Me?”

Shit. Had Sirius Black just asked if he fancied him? Shit. “Umm.” Remus mumbled under his breath, “..Yeah.”

“What’d you say?”

A bit louder, Remus said “...I do?”

“Pardon me?”

“God! I said I loved YOU, you prat. Ugh, you make me so mad.”

Sirius looked shocked but quickly regained his cocky look. “Pulchritudinous.”

Remus’s face burned after what his confession and anger towards perfect Sirius Black roared in his stomach.

“What?”

“Pulchritudinous. It means delighting the senses or exciting intellectual or emotional admiration.”

“I still don’t understand, you immature prat.”

“It means I think you’re beautiful, Moony.”

Oh.

_OH._


	2. A Mirror Revisited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus returns to the classroom that held the mirror of Erised.
> 
> Twenty-three years later.

Pain.

It didn't take a genius to know that Remus was dying.

He couldn't breathe, and all his senses were unavailable. As if he were a candle, burning brightly, and someone (looking at you, Antonio Dolohov) decided to just blow it out.

Stumbling, he ran through the endless battles, dodging jinxes and hexes and unforgivable curses. He knew none would hit him. How he knew was another question, but the fact that he knew… that was enough. 

He had to find Harry before he died. He had to make peace with Harry. He had a chance that Sirius didn't have. He was going to say goodbye.

Little did he know, his time would run out in approximately 5 minutes and 34 seconds, and Harry had entered The Forbidden Forest, prepared to die. 

He heard a shrill scream. It sounded cloudy like he was underwater. Like he was far away from the battle even though was right there.

"Ooh, Antonio, bet you can't beat meeee! That's what, ten now for me and three for you?" 

Oh hell. How Remus despised Bellatrix Lestrange.

No, despised wasn't the right word, more like loathed her. 

He ducked into a classroom to hide, and as soon as he looked around he knew this classroom was familiar.

23 years.

Not even 23 years ago, he had confessed to Sirius.

Sirius.

That was a better time. Though the constant threat of war loomed in Remus's thoughts, he was happy. Happier than he had been for a while.

If this was the same classroom, then that must mean...

His vision was getting cloudier, and he could hardly walk anymore, but he hobbled his way over to the large thing underneath a sheet.

With all the strength he had left, he yanked the cloth off of the mirror, and it fell to the ground, and dust flew.

He gazed into the mirror once more, and saw...

He saw the same thing.

Well, not exactly.

Lily, no longer holding Harry, but her arm on the shoulder of a stocky, strong, seventeen-year-old boy.

Alongside older-Harry were Ron and Hermione, smiles brightening their faces as they looked at Remus as the children they were, not the generals at the forefront of a dangerous war.

And Tonks was there, holding a little baby boy. With bright pink hair, then purple, then blue.

And Bill and Fleur, and Dumbledore, and Mad-eye, and the entire Weasley family.

And Peter was still there, but he looked... healthy. Healthy and standing next to James as friends. 

James. James was there, a smile brightening up his face. His arm around Harry, and was looking at Lupin with his stupid hair and stupid smirk and stupid self that Remus longed to see again.

There was Sirius, before his time in Azkaban, a free man. Cocky and hilarious and playful and with Remus.

They were all together, finally. 

Remus got to meet his son, and Harry could have grown with his parents.

And Remus could have grown old with Sirius. They could have gotten married as they planned to the summer of seventh-year.

Smiling, a single tear running down his bruised face, he reached over to the wooden frame around the mirror, and in the top left corner was something scribbled.

Remus remembered that. He didn't want to deface Hogwarts property, much less an important magic artifact.

So Sirius wrote it with a penknife.

RL + SB 

1975

Looking back at the mirror, Remus knew he was at his last breath.

Two hours later, when the survivors were repairing Hogwarts, searching for the injured and lost, they found him. On the floor by the mirror, a smile on his face.

At his funeral, they said he died alone in an empty classroom.

But no one knew the truth.

Remus Lupin died surrounded by the people he loved most in the world. He died the part of a family he had collected over the years. He died an Order member. He died as one of Molly Weasley's regular house guests. He died a father. He died as Harry's Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. He died a werewolf. He died with his true love, Sirius. He died a Gryffindor. He died loved. But most importantly, he died a Marauder.

Mischief managed.


End file.
